YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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