Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sext me about skeletons
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
