ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
