I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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