Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
