I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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