It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
