Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
