dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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