; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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