fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
