Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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