well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
