he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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