Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
