The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
