Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
