I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
