He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The air was thick with penises
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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