I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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