Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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