so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize