I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
