stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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