Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
