Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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