How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
