doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
