my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
