Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
