so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
40s are totally the cure
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
