I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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