i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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