party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
