I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
