my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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