Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
