you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
