Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
