Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
