it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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