and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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