Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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