I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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