Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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