I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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