I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
