2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize