i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
