What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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