it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
