Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
