come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
