I cannot find my penis.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
