Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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