I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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