Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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