i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
