haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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