Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
