Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
