p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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