These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
