Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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