He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
