Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
