I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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