Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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