I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
