I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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