I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
