I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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