How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
