I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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