And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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