So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
