I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
