please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
