I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
