if you like me you must not know who I am
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
