could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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